People you meet in a library

Recently I finally got a job at a departmental library. I am incredibly happy! I have been looking for so long and I would have never guessed that my first ever job would be one I actually really love doing! I work two days a week for 5 hours, which is a reasonable time and I get paid well, so I couldn’t be happier with my working place. I am actually writing this blog from the computer at the library, so you see I have all the freedom in the world!

Working here for about two months I met lots of different kinds of people in a short time span. While the ones I am working with are incredibly nice and helpful, I had short encounters with some that made me think a lot about human nature… So here are the kinds of people that visit the library!

  • The coffee junkie (or the “seriously-I-need-this-cup-of-coffee-right-now person”

It’s the same woman every time. Fluid beverages that are not in a bottle are not allowed inside the library. No cups, mugs or bowls. This is an official rule. She damn well knows that rule because we remind her every week that, “I’m sorry madam; you cannot take that cup of coffee with you!” Every time she turns on her heels, with a half shocked, half indignant look on her face saying, “What? Really? Can’t we make an exception?” That is the moment me and my colleague would like to sigh loudly and scream no, but we calmly tell her why it’s not possible. The next argument usually is, “But I really need it!”. Now all I am thinking about saying is, how she can pour it up her ass (pardon my language!), but I do actually manage to keep it to myself and insist that she just can’t do that. Every time.

  • The Speedie Gonzales (or the “rushing-in-‘n-rushing-out” person)

Some people are in such a rush they completely forget their manners. I’ve had people rushing into the library, hissing, “I want to return this book.” and sprinting out again. Well, jokes on them, because they brought it back late and as long as they don’t pay back the money they won’t get any more books. Ha-ha indeed! Seriously now, I have been in a rush lots of times, I was stressed out, but I wouldn’t dream about talking to a stranger, who didn’t do anything wrong, in an utterly disrespectful tone, throwing things at them that don’t even rightfully belong to me! That is no way to treat any human being, really, no matter if stranger or not!

  • The lazy person (or the I-could-but-I-won’t-isn’t-this-your-job?” person)

I cannot stand these. They walk into the library, with thousands of booktitles they are looking for and think they can do this by giving us the list so we cn go search them. No. And no, this is not my job. I may show you where and how you can find these books online and borrow them too, but that’s how far it goes. I am not here to do your research homework. I will not walk around looking for these books and I will not listen to you telling me what my job is. I know it. I got the thingy that makes beepy sounds; I know what I’m doing, thank you!

  • The steady customer (or the “I-know-what-I’m-doing-and-I-won’t-bother-you-more-than-necessary” person)

I love these people. They make my day. They know the rules of the library, they know how to do stuff and they are mostly very nice and won’t bother you with simple questions because they already know. They get their key to put their bags and jackets in, they know not to take a cup of tea or coffee to go with them in the library, they know how to use the computer and search engines. These people are like wonderful fairies that fly into the library and leave bursts of glitter behind them as they go again.

All in all I can say that I very much enjoy my job and working place and can’t wait to learn more and improve myself. There are still so many kinds of people to meet in a library and I can’t wait to make these new experiences.

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My insecurities: Friends

Heya, so there is this thing about me and my whole lot of insecurities. I was always a pretty happy child. I mean I have a couple of dark spots tainting my childhood, but I was happy with myself. I don’t know when exactly, but along the way of growing up into a teenager, I started looking at me – my personality and my body with a critical look and the base of it was the impossible standards for them set by a cruel society.

Today is not the day I want to talk about body images, but my way of handling platonic relationships: friends. I like having people around me, I love hanging out with my friends, but finding them and getting to know them is one of the scariest processes for me. I try not to give it away, but the first days of university I was full of fear of not being accepted by anyone, as I just have finished school and tried to start new and finally go back to find out who I truly was, instead of being defined by others and what they thought of me.

One of the things people told me before my first day at university was, “Remember, it’s their first day too, they also want to find friends, just as bad as you do.” – while this should have been comforting, for me it sounded like this, “Some poor souls that will accidently befriend with you in their haste, will have to either distance themselves from you later on or they are stuck with you even if they don’t really want to. Good for you!” It did not come to my mind that yes, maybe there are people outside who don’t only spend time with me because they have known me for so much time that it seems right to stay in touch with me. That yes, it was possible for someone to stay and spend time with me because I seem like a decent person to them that they like. Seems weird, but it happened.

What I need when I meet new people is them reminding me that they want me. Well, this sounded sexual, sorry for that. But really, I like to know that I am actually welcome to stay in a conversation or whatever, even if it’s just by being included actively. The easiest way is really just proposing a meet-up or activities. It’s nice to see that someone cares enough to not wait for you to make the first move, no matter if it’s in a romantic or in a friendly relationship. I am a very easily pleased person – take me to the park, the theatre, a cafe, your flat, whatever it is: I will enjoy my time spent with a good friend no matter what circumstances.

Another way is to tell me. We all really should tell those around us more often how much we appreciate them and that we like their company. Nothing brings more happiness than a sincere compliment that comes from the heart and makes others feel wanted and happy. Sometimes I loose myself in my uncertainty and totally forget that other people want my “approval” and love too and it may take time, but I will let you know soon enough that I appreciate and like you if that’s the case. I guess I forget to let people know I like having them around me because I don’t understand how they could ever feel uncertain about themselves, insecure or even unwanted because I see my friends as incredible humans that only deserve the best. Thinking about how they don’t see that just seems very absurd to me somehow.

I managed to keep contact with those friends that are dear to my heart even after graduation. Some I meet regularly, others are often busy with school or university but we text and meet every now and then, and then there are those who call or text every once in a while and you can’t really be mad at them because they make you smile and laugh, as if the last time you heard from them wasn’t over a month ago. Not only that, but I found new friends during my time at university too (I know, I was JUST as surprised). They are not many, but I can proudly say that they are my own personal choice of friends and I’d like to keep each of them, as different as they are. The funny thing is by the way, how different friends fit with the different aspects of your personality or hobbies you may have, so your circle of friends can be really diverse and that I find beautiful.

So where am I going with this post you may ask yourself now. Well, I’m making this up as I go so what about this: it’s hard to get rid of insecurities – really hard, but here I am making new friends and rather comfortably telling people what I expect from our relationship. You could say I am progressing, and not only try to take care of myself, but also be a better friend for those I care. I’ll try my best. I may need the confirmation from my friends that they actually want to spend time with me, and sometimes it is very difficult for me to voice out this insecurity as it may seem to other people that I want them to commit to me while all I need is the right amount of “I like having you around and I actually want to spend my time with you” so I do not feel unwanted. Yes, I can’t help it, don’t judge me.