People you meet in a library

Recently I finally got a job at a departmental library. I am incredibly happy! I have been looking for so long and I would have never guessed that my first ever job would be one I actually really love doing! I work two days a week for 5 hours, which is a reasonable time and I get paid well, so I couldn’t be happier with my working place. I am actually writing this blog from the computer at the library, so you see I have all the freedom in the world!

Working here for about two months I met lots of different kinds of people in a short time span. While the ones I am working with are incredibly nice and helpful, I had short encounters with some that made me think a lot about human nature… So here are the kinds of people that visit the library!

  • The coffee junkie (or the “seriously-I-need-this-cup-of-coffee-right-now person”

It’s the same woman every time. Fluid beverages that are not in a bottle are not allowed inside the library. No cups, mugs or bowls. This is an official rule. She damn well knows that rule because we remind her every week that, “I’m sorry madam; you cannot take that cup of coffee with you!” Every time she turns on her heels, with a half shocked, half indignant look on her face saying, “What? Really? Can’t we make an exception?” That is the moment me and my colleague would like to sigh loudly and scream no, but we calmly tell her why it’s not possible. The next argument usually is, “But I really need it!”. Now all I am thinking about saying is, how she can pour it up her ass (pardon my language!), but I do actually manage to keep it to myself and insist that she just can’t do that. Every time.

  • The Speedie Gonzales (or the “rushing-in-‘n-rushing-out” person)

Some people are in such a rush they completely forget their manners. I’ve had people rushing into the library, hissing, “I want to return this book.” and sprinting out again. Well, jokes on them, because they brought it back late and as long as they don’t pay back the money they won’t get any more books. Ha-ha indeed! Seriously now, I have been in a rush lots of times, I was stressed out, but I wouldn’t dream about talking to a stranger, who didn’t do anything wrong, in an utterly disrespectful tone, throwing things at them that don’t even rightfully belong to me! That is no way to treat any human being, really, no matter if stranger or not!

  • The lazy person (or the I-could-but-I-won’t-isn’t-this-your-job?” person)

I cannot stand these. They walk into the library, with thousands of booktitles they are looking for and think they can do this by giving us the list so we cn go search them. No. And no, this is not my job. I may show you where and how you can find these books online and borrow them too, but that’s how far it goes. I am not here to do your research homework. I will not walk around looking for these books and I will not listen to you telling me what my job is. I know it. I got the thingy that makes beepy sounds; I know what I’m doing, thank you!

  • The steady customer (or the “I-know-what-I’m-doing-and-I-won’t-bother-you-more-than-necessary” person)

I love these people. They make my day. They know the rules of the library, they know how to do stuff and they are mostly very nice and won’t bother you with simple questions because they already know. They get their key to put their bags and jackets in, they know not to take a cup of tea or coffee to go with them in the library, they know how to use the computer and search engines. These people are like wonderful fairies that fly into the library and leave bursts of glitter behind them as they go again.

All in all I can say that I very much enjoy my job and working place and can’t wait to learn more and improve myself. There are still so many kinds of people to meet in a library and I can’t wait to make these new experiences.

Quote

I can’t do anything right

How do people even manage their lives? How do they manage to manage their lives? How do they know what they want to do once thy finished obligatory school, once their lives really start? How do they know that the job they’re doing, the major they’re taking, the person they decided to spend their life with – that all these decision were the right ones?

Because I want to know. I want to know how to make decisions, the right ones. How to wake up and just know that the road I am one is the one right for me. That when being asked if this is really where I want to be in life, I will happily say yes. That every decision I made lead up to the point where I am now and that I like it here.

But right now, it seems like I can’t do anything right.

My insecurities: Friends

Heya, so there is this thing about me and my whole lot of insecurities. I was always a pretty happy child. I mean I have a couple of dark spots tainting my childhood, but I was happy with myself. I don’t know when exactly, but along the way of growing up into a teenager, I started looking at me – my personality and my body with a critical look and the base of it was the impossible standards for them set by a cruel society.

Today is not the day I want to talk about body images, but my way of handling platonic relationships: friends. I like having people around me, I love hanging out with my friends, but finding them and getting to know them is one of the scariest processes for me. I try not to give it away, but the first days of university I was full of fear of not being accepted by anyone, as I just have finished school and tried to start new and finally go back to find out who I truly was, instead of being defined by others and what they thought of me.

One of the things people told me before my first day at university was, “Remember, it’s their first day too, they also want to find friends, just as bad as you do.” – while this should have been comforting, for me it sounded like this, “Some poor souls that will accidently befriend with you in their haste, will have to either distance themselves from you later on or they are stuck with you even if they don’t really want to. Good for you!” It did not come to my mind that yes, maybe there are people outside who don’t only spend time with me because they have known me for so much time that it seems right to stay in touch with me. That yes, it was possible for someone to stay and spend time with me because I seem like a decent person to them that they like. Seems weird, but it happened.

What I need when I meet new people is them reminding me that they want me. Well, this sounded sexual, sorry for that. But really, I like to know that I am actually welcome to stay in a conversation or whatever, even if it’s just by being included actively. The easiest way is really just proposing a meet-up or activities. It’s nice to see that someone cares enough to not wait for you to make the first move, no matter if it’s in a romantic or in a friendly relationship. I am a very easily pleased person – take me to the park, the theatre, a cafe, your flat, whatever it is: I will enjoy my time spent with a good friend no matter what circumstances.

Another way is to tell me. We all really should tell those around us more often how much we appreciate them and that we like their company. Nothing brings more happiness than a sincere compliment that comes from the heart and makes others feel wanted and happy. Sometimes I loose myself in my uncertainty and totally forget that other people want my “approval” and love too and it may take time, but I will let you know soon enough that I appreciate and like you if that’s the case. I guess I forget to let people know I like having them around me because I don’t understand how they could ever feel uncertain about themselves, insecure or even unwanted because I see my friends as incredible humans that only deserve the best. Thinking about how they don’t see that just seems very absurd to me somehow.

I managed to keep contact with those friends that are dear to my heart even after graduation. Some I meet regularly, others are often busy with school or university but we text and meet every now and then, and then there are those who call or text every once in a while and you can’t really be mad at them because they make you smile and laugh, as if the last time you heard from them wasn’t over a month ago. Not only that, but I found new friends during my time at university too (I know, I was JUST as surprised). They are not many, but I can proudly say that they are my own personal choice of friends and I’d like to keep each of them, as different as they are. The funny thing is by the way, how different friends fit with the different aspects of your personality or hobbies you may have, so your circle of friends can be really diverse and that I find beautiful.

So where am I going with this post you may ask yourself now. Well, I’m making this up as I go so what about this: it’s hard to get rid of insecurities – really hard, but here I am making new friends and rather comfortably telling people what I expect from our relationship. You could say I am progressing, and not only try to take care of myself, but also be a better friend for those I care. I’ll try my best. I may need the confirmation from my friends that they actually want to spend time with me, and sometimes it is very difficult for me to voice out this insecurity as it may seem to other people that I want them to commit to me while all I need is the right amount of “I like having you around and I actually want to spend my time with you” so I do not feel unwanted. Yes, I can’t help it, don’t judge me.

What Supernatural taught me…

Yes, I watch the series Supernatural. Yes, you should watch it too, it’s awesome.

But no, it’s not just fantasy and horror and totally boring. No, it still actually has a plot, even after 10 seasons. And most important of all: I finally found incredible characters I admire and learn a lot of. That’s why I want to start talking about these topics, comparing them with my own experiences and you know, just being the psychologist I am, I’ll rant a lot.

SO LET’S START!

Family don’t end with blood, but it doesn’t start there either.

What Bobby Singer wants to tell us basically is, that your friends can be your family too and your family on the other hand doesn’t have to actually BE your family. Continuing the quote through Dean Winchester, let me explain further that family doesn’t mean blood, but:

Family cares about you, not what you can do for them. Family’s there. For the good, bad, all of it. They got your back, even when it hurts.

And I don’t know about you, but I know that this description doesn’t fit on every one of my larger family. My cousin just backstabbed me, after me being awake till 1 o’clock every other night because she had problems in school or stuff she didn’t want to talk about. I was always there for her, but she used every moment with me to get false infrmation and let my family and me look bad in front of everybody else – she is not family to me. Those who did not congratulate me when I started studying, but rather didn’t talk to me because I didn’t reach their standards and expectations – they are not family to me. Those family members who would rather see me suffer than succeed – they are not and will never be family to me.

I feel bad for every child, every person that gets told how they have to be grateful for their family and love them unconditionally, when they get verbally and physically abused by them. It’s gone so far that I see people accepting their parents abusing ways to push them towards success, as them showing their love and care. And that’s definitely not okay. There will never be a good reason for your parent to hit and hurt you in any way. Or to call you names that rip you apart.

Still there is a difference between loving your parents and accepting what they did to you and loving your parents, but not accepting and tolerating what they did or do to you. I love my parents and am grateful for everything they gave me, but I’ll never forget the words that made me want to run away and never come back. I love my sisters and brothers for every time they stood up for me, for every loving memory and just being there. But truth is, that they never saw or acted on my depressions, while people that barely know me did.

Now to the other aspect: friends being family. Let me tell you, it’s not about perfect friends. Friends sometimes make mistakes and sometimes they also say he wrong things. It happens. It’s about them being by your side, no matter if you are succeeding in life or having your worst low. It’s about them helping you, without them thinking of ways you can pay them back. Friends are the family you choose because instead of being paired up with people you might not even like, you find those who love you no matter what. I always found the love of a friend being something very special. Mostly for the reason they don’t have to love you. You are not connected by blood, so there is no reason for them to love you. But they do and that is something you should cherish and hold onto and never take for granted.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my biological family from the deepest of my heart, but I know for a fact that not everybody does. And that’s completely okay.

Today, I’ll be myself

It’s funny how everybody seems to know what’s wrong with me and how my future is going to look like. Seriously, everybody. “Oh, you look sad. Do you have problems at home?” “Do your parents push you too hard towards success?” “Damn, you have too many self-doubts!”

Well, thank you for the comments, didn’t notice I have a depression, duh.

It has gotten so bad, that I am thinking something is wrong with me and how can I not? When everybody is doubting you and everything you do, there is no other way than keep making mistakes you wouldn’t do when you were able to be yourself. Act and talk like yourself. I’d love to turn back time and change some things. Things I said, things I did and most of all those times I was weak in front of so many people because now that’s what everybody associates with me: weakness. But I can’t and I keep on trying to change that image, but somehow I can’t because something like that cannot be erased out of most people’s minds. And I’m sick of it.

Those damn images are the reasons we think we have to be a certain way. All of your relatives think you are the cute little girl that spends all her time in school or the library, even if you don’t? Who cares about them? – Be rebellious, sneak out of the window! Stand up for yourself, ask your boss for that promotion, whatever, don’t be the image that others have of you. Be YOU, act like YOU would and say what YOU want to say. Life is too short to be someone else than yourself, so don’t.

There will always be someone who brings you down, always someone who closes their eyes while you success to only focus on your failure, always someone who doesn’t like the way you are (and I’m sorry about my harsh expression, but-) SCREW THEM!

You do you and everything else is not important. Believe me, maybe you don’t feel this way right now, but one day you will wake up to be a person you won’t recognize anymore and that you need to change.

Change the way you live to the way you are before it’s too late.

I am fine

I am sure there are enough tumblr posts explaining the deeper meaning behind that sentence. “I am fine”, as in “I am totally not, but you don’t want to hear it anyway”.

Well, do you?

How many times have you asked a person for his or her wellbeing, just to be polite and act like a good person would? Because ‘I am fine’ is just as mainstream as ‘everything alright?’ or ‘How are you?’ and our lips became numb to it. Let’s be real, most of the time we don’t even want to know what kind of hell this person is going through because we are fighting our own demons. So don’t bother asking.

I am serious.

If you expect an halfarsed ‘I am fine.’ or ‘Everything is alright, I am just tired.’ that you are not going to question, don’t waste your and their time. That person obviously has a lot on their mind and doesn’t need to lie to someone’s face again and again without being able to find someone, who does not only see that something is wrong, but also is not afraid to be confronted with it. That’s the only thing most of the people need – a good cry, a nice talk and a movie or ice-cream (or both) afterwards.

And if you can’t do that, you obviously don’t care enough for that friend. Do it, say that you know what’s going on, take a walk together, or just sit silently next to each other. JUST SOMETHING! We all need someone to show us they care. Be that one person.

The people-pleaser

You can’t make everyone happy. That’s it, say it after me: I can’t make everyone happy. And yeah, yeah, I know it’s not that easy, I know that you feel obligated and want to make the world a better place; I know because I am a people-pleaser too. I’m trying to change, so don’t judge me.

Here are three signs you may be a people-pleaser:

You can’t win (or the “I want to win, but you can’t be sad or angry, okay?”-person)
You are about to win a game? Gloriously even? Feels good, doesn’t it? NO, IT DOES NOT! (for us special people at least) Because chances are that the person losing is sad or mad and you feel like it’s your fault, when their just not as good or clever as you.
Solution: You are a champ and you deserve to win, so enjoy your victory! There is no need to feel bad for your success – even when it’s about you owning half the Monopoly board.

You take the worse (or the: “I love this movie, but yeah, you can have my seat while I’m going to try see something through this human giraffe”-person)
Whenever you hear your friend whine about their seat, chocolate bar or just anything really, you switch with them. Well great, now there is this weird guy sitting in front of you, you get the chocolate with raisins in it instead of nougat or any other worse version of something fantastic. 75% of the time you and I just can’t stand the whining. Seriously, it’s annoying.
Solution: HELL NO!  Allow yourself the good pralines or the better seat in the cinema, your friend or family member has to deal with it somehow and it’s not your problem. You are a prince/princess, so treat yourself like one too!

You do the work (or the: “Let me do the research, I wasn’t going to enjoy my weekend either way”-person)
Well, aren’t you the one and only one who doesn’t protest when given the hardest job in a group project in school or at work? Or when being asked to stay behind at a party to help cleaning up? I bet there are other people who are also able to help or are qualified enough to do a job by themselves just once. The world is not going to end. Unless you are God nothing too bad can happen, right?
Solution: Yeees, I know you will probably do a better job than all those unqualified people, but honestly: it’s okay to just once do nothing than design the PowerPoint. It’s super important too and it won’t keep you awake until 3 in the morning, so.

To sum it up: You come first and then all the others. You and I, we need to learn to make ourselves the biggest priority in our lives. After all it’s ours and it is a good life if you are happy. So get all the nougat and hazelnut pralines or just all of them if you like and just don’t care! (Be nice though J)

We are all Hobby-Psychologists

The first time I heard this expression was when my older brother and my father were arguing about parental education. Apparently my father is a hobby-psychologist because he interprets stuff and obviously knows everything about ones feelings and thoughts – well, without being a professional.

As rude as thr comment may seemed, I feel good calling myself a hobby-psychologist. Not only because everyone who knows me advices me to study psychology, but also because I naturally feel empathy and like to reveal a persons past and feelings to interpret their personality and actions. That is the point where it gets really interesting. Time and humanity created more and more stereotypes and prejudices so that girls with no real father figure become strippers and boys who are attached to their mothers will marry a girl who resembles her.

So where do I want to go with this? Maybe we all can listen to somebodys past or try to understand someones feelings, but after all everyone is unique and does not always fit in a shaped destiny with a bunch of other people. After all I am neither a stripper nor am I going to marry an actual copy of my father.

I am a hobby-psychologist; just like you.