My New Year’s Resolutions

I don’t particularly like New Year’s resolutions. They always felt like obligations, a contract that you sign with yourself, so in July you feel like you have failed because you were too motivated on New Year’s Eve and set impossible goals for yourself. So what I am going to do is set some unsettled ideas and aims for myself that I can accomplish without putting myself in any danger, as starving at the end of December to lose those extra pounds as quickly as possible – here we go:

– Be fit and healthy

I am trying to love my body as it is, plus the love handles and the scars and what not, but it is very important for me to not lose control over my body and weight as I see some in my family now struggling with different problems concerning their heart and joints and I do not want to end up there. I already started to reduce the size of the portions I eat, so my body does not even realize that i eats less, I drink more water and even try to cut down the sweets (there were to many birthdays including cakes this December…)

– Meet and stay more with people that make me happy

I found out that most people I had to endure talking to and hang out with in school didn’t even fit into my picture of a friend or people I like. Since then I completely distanced myself from them and only stayed with those that I either like or that want to invest their energy in our friendship. I had honest talks asking those people I actually wanted to stay in touch with if they wanted to stay friends and literally didn’t care about the rest. I got so tired and sad after these years of depression I could not imagine myself keeping up a charade for people I do not even care about. I want to be happy and spend time with people that can make that happen.

– Get to know different people and learn from them

I am an open-minded person I like to think, but I recently thought about how my circle of friendship is not that diverse. I mean, I have friends from different cultures and households, but they mostly grew up in rather similar surroundings under similar circumstances having akin experiences. I want to learn and hear other people’s stories, and believe me, if it wasn’t for the fact I would come off as a creep I would just start conversations with complete strangers to learn more about them and their way to live. I will figure that point out along the way I guess.

– Put myself first and not feel guilty about things that aren’t my fault

I really love to help others and make their lives easier, but I often forget in the process to take care of myself first and then I feel guilty for not being able to help someone and that is not okay. Everyone should look out for themselves first before taking care of someone else. Also people think they can take advantage of me by my guilt driven mind and this should really stop, it’s driving me crazy!

– Influence the people around me in a positive way

I already did that a bit by showing three of my cousins the joys of reading books and they thanked me for it, when I didn’t even do it intentionally! It made me extremely happy, and I saw an opportunity to do this, influence people or even just make them happier or think about certain topics critically. Living in a rather conservative family my top priority are them and people in my direct area, as I know I can’t change the world in a year. My main focus lies in making them at least less sexist, racist or homophobic. If you grew up where these are unfortunately normal attitudes you also know how it is to grind your teeth while your uncle or someone else is offensive at family dinner because your parents don’t want you to throw a fit. Enough of that. I will open my mouth even more often in this year and educate people around me to live a non-offensive and tolerant life. I know it’s harder with adults, but at least I want their kids to learn something from it. I hope I will have success with that one, as it is something I strongly care about.

– Be happy with me and my choices                                                                    

I still have to think about what I truly want to study and work as later on, so I hope this is going to be the year I will find this out and start working towards a future I chose BY MYSELF, FOR MYSELF

Ottermann - Tagebuch (rot)These are some special kind of diaries (that one is in german). Instead of being forced to come up with what to write in long paragraphs every day, this diary was designed to be filled out by you. There are a couple of different forms in which you tick off how you felt today, draw a graph of how happy or productive you have been, who you have met and much more. Firstly I got it to change my life to the positive and improve myself, so on the first page all the “resolutions” are listed and I can always keep in check if I make any progress. I love it!

So finally, to me and you, the one reading this: I wish us an incredible and happy year. Go have a Cookie or something, you are awesome!

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