I’m not gay, just a decent human being

 

Heya, this is not about my sexuality, as you might think. I just want to talk about the topic sexuality, as there are many different approaches to it and a lot of misconceptions. I recently started to listen to Tyler Oakley’s podcast “Psychobabble” (I highly recommend it to all who want to have a laugh while listening to the latest star gossip or deep conversations). And one thing he mentioned really stuck in my head, that allies of the LGBTQ+ community should stand up to their beliefs and show openly that they are supportive. So let me do just that and give my opinion to some major misconceptions about sexualities.

  • Misconception #1: Being gay is a choice

Let me tell you that I have read and personally listened to enough heart-breaking coming out stories or in general experiences that lots of LGBTQ+ people go through, to know that being gay in a heteronormative society is not a choice. The fear and hate some people grow up with makes children and teenagers feel so bad and out of place that in moments of weakness they either wish they were straight or never even existed in the first place and those are thoughts no kid should ever have, least of all because of their sexual orientation. Fact is they cannot change who they are or who they love and they should not be pressured to try by being sent to camps or forced to date or even have intercourse with the opposite sex. If strictly heterosexual person can’t make themselves fall in love with someone of the same gender, a homosexual can’t either, just as an aromantic/asexual person can’t fall in love or have sex with anyone.

  • Misconception #2: Being gay/bi/… is unnatural

I find it very ironic and amusing how humankind compliments itself by stating they are extremely intelligent and such an advanced race, but when it comes to cases of rape or the topic of sexuality the arguments often base on our so called instincts to procreate. They are right in one point only, it amazes me how far we have come looking at our technology and all the possibilities we have. On another hand humans can be very irrational and almost stupid. We are so many on this planet and we have knowledge about so much in these times of the internet and social networks – people cannot possibly think that it is of importance for a man to be with a woman to preserve our race? There are so many abandoned children, whose number of cases could be easily decreased by choosing to let same-sex couples marry and actually adopt children. Also as I said, no one chooses their sexuality, so there is really nothing unnatural about that. By the way, there are also lots of animals who choose a same-sex partner. So what do you want to tell me, that dolphins rebel and choose to be gay? Yeah, thought so…

  • Misconception #3: Gay people will turn my children gay/bi/…

No. Seriously what kind of logic is that? Apparently our gay Spanish teacher did not manage to turn any of my classmates gay and an openly gay friend could not prevent being homosexual by being surrounded by straight couples in school, in the TV and basically everywhere. Shouldn’t we all be heterosexual when the only thing they show us are heterosexual couples or over-sexualised men and women who have lots of meaningless intercourse with the opposite sex? As you see, it did not work because that is simply NOT how sexuality actually works. Grow up and do your research.

  • Misconception #4: Being gay/bi/… is a new and modern lifestyle

And again – RESEARCH. Having a gay relationship was not only common in ancient Greece, but often even happily seen and recommended. I have also read of cultures that considered same-sex relationships as something sacred. So don’t try to tell me people only recently found out about those sexualities or identities, as transgender. All those interpretations have existed before, only no one put an actual name on them. Those feelings could only be vaguely described and not named. Today those sexualities and identities (of gender) have names and we can actively label ourselves IF we CHOOSE to (btw – watch “The Danish Girl”, such a good movie about a trangender man in the 1920s)

I do not want to aggressively change anyone’s minds. As an ally of the LGBTQ+ community I want to learn and educate other people, no matter if it’s about what’s fact and what’s fiction or what’s bi- and what’s pansexuality. I want to show people that even if they still don’t like the idea of anything else that is not heterosexuality, there are still ways to live without offending and insulting any of your fellows. There are ways to live in harmony, we only have to listen and learn.

If anybody can find someone to love them and to help them through this difficult thing that we call life, I support that in any shape or form.

Will Smith

My New Year’s Resolutions

I don’t particularly like New Year’s resolutions. They always felt like obligations, a contract that you sign with yourself, so in July you feel like you have failed because you were too motivated on New Year’s Eve and set impossible goals for yourself. So what I am going to do is set some unsettled ideas and aims for myself that I can accomplish without putting myself in any danger, as starving at the end of December to lose those extra pounds as quickly as possible – here we go:

– Be fit and healthy

I am trying to love my body as it is, plus the love handles and the scars and what not, but it is very important for me to not lose control over my body and weight as I see some in my family now struggling with different problems concerning their heart and joints and I do not want to end up there. I already started to reduce the size of the portions I eat, so my body does not even realize that i eats less, I drink more water and even try to cut down the sweets (there were to many birthdays including cakes this December…)

– Meet and stay more with people that make me happy

I found out that most people I had to endure talking to and hang out with in school didn’t even fit into my picture of a friend or people I like. Since then I completely distanced myself from them and only stayed with those that I either like or that want to invest their energy in our friendship. I had honest talks asking those people I actually wanted to stay in touch with if they wanted to stay friends and literally didn’t care about the rest. I got so tired and sad after these years of depression I could not imagine myself keeping up a charade for people I do not even care about. I want to be happy and spend time with people that can make that happen.

– Get to know different people and learn from them

I am an open-minded person I like to think, but I recently thought about how my circle of friendship is not that diverse. I mean, I have friends from different cultures and households, but they mostly grew up in rather similar surroundings under similar circumstances having akin experiences. I want to learn and hear other people’s stories, and believe me, if it wasn’t for the fact I would come off as a creep I would just start conversations with complete strangers to learn more about them and their way to live. I will figure that point out along the way I guess.

– Put myself first and not feel guilty about things that aren’t my fault

I really love to help others and make their lives easier, but I often forget in the process to take care of myself first and then I feel guilty for not being able to help someone and that is not okay. Everyone should look out for themselves first before taking care of someone else. Also people think they can take advantage of me by my guilt driven mind and this should really stop, it’s driving me crazy!

– Influence the people around me in a positive way

I already did that a bit by showing three of my cousins the joys of reading books and they thanked me for it, when I didn’t even do it intentionally! It made me extremely happy, and I saw an opportunity to do this, influence people or even just make them happier or think about certain topics critically. Living in a rather conservative family my top priority are them and people in my direct area, as I know I can’t change the world in a year. My main focus lies in making them at least less sexist, racist or homophobic. If you grew up where these are unfortunately normal attitudes you also know how it is to grind your teeth while your uncle or someone else is offensive at family dinner because your parents don’t want you to throw a fit. Enough of that. I will open my mouth even more often in this year and educate people around me to live a non-offensive and tolerant life. I know it’s harder with adults, but at least I want their kids to learn something from it. I hope I will have success with that one, as it is something I strongly care about.

– Be happy with me and my choices                                                                    

I still have to think about what I truly want to study and work as later on, so I hope this is going to be the year I will find this out and start working towards a future I chose BY MYSELF, FOR MYSELF

Ottermann - Tagebuch (rot)These are some special kind of diaries (that one is in german). Instead of being forced to come up with what to write in long paragraphs every day, this diary was designed to be filled out by you. There are a couple of different forms in which you tick off how you felt today, draw a graph of how happy or productive you have been, who you have met and much more. Firstly I got it to change my life to the positive and improve myself, so on the first page all the “resolutions” are listed and I can always keep in check if I make any progress. I love it!

So finally, to me and you, the one reading this: I wish us an incredible and happy year. Go have a Cookie or something, you are awesome!