First and foremost: I didn’t write anything in a long time due to other more urgent things I had to do, which I feel sorry for. Writing, even if its blogs few people read and no one relates to or likes, has not only been lots of fun, but has also always been a way for me to deal with problems, stress or negative emotions, so I am going to write about something I have been confronted with lately – those three special words: I love you. And please don’t feel offended, I have an opinion that I am going to support with arguments I personally find valid.
It has been brought to my attention that there are lots of people who “fall in love at first sight” or literally say “I love you” after only weeks or months of being with another person. I am in no position to tell anybody when to tell someone they love them, but I want to present my perspective on the L-word.
For the starters: I don’t believe in love at first sight. Love means for me trust, a deeper understanding, adoration and presents a bond that connects people in a special way. You can’t create or feel that in a second. You can’t. Maybe you feel strongly attracted or you find someone extremely likeable, but it is not love, only very often confused with it. And I won’t change my mind in that matter; I will not compare the love I have for a friend I knew for 10 years and who has been with me through thick and thin with a person I just lay my eyes on, that I can see myself having sex with or maybe marry – in the probably very distant or non-existent future. It’s not going to happen.
And now to all of you who say “I love you” after weeks – how organised and non-confusing must your life be? Teach me! One psychologist may interpret the long time I take to say those words with bad relationships I had in the past, but fact is that I won’t trust anyone I have not known for a long enough time, for them to prove I can actually trust them. I need more than one weak, from their moral driven example to honestly trust a person this much, that I put myself in a very vulnerable state and tell them that I love them. You do not need to have somebody misusing your love to be certain with any future person and take your time to finally show them your love and affection. I am very confused by the concept of opening up to a person in such an intensive way, before you even know if they find you important enough to fight for, to relocate for or to change their bad habits for.
No matter if they are platonic or romantic relationships: if someone gives you their time so you can get to know them, spend time with them and create memories with them, they can also give you the time you need to tell them that you love them. And I also think that none of all this I wrote should have been written because it should be a normal thing to take your time with these personal things, but that is something to talk about another time. I should not have to explain myself and to swear that it is not a matter of distrust in human beings and their good intentions, but a matter of self-respect and self-defending. But as I said, people worth loving will undestand you and me without pushing any boundaries.