What Supernatural taught me…

Yes, I watch the series Supernatural. Yes, you should watch it too, it’s awesome.

But no, it’s not just fantasy and horror and totally boring. No, it still actually has a plot, even after 10 seasons. And most important of all: I finally found incredible characters I admire and learn a lot of. That’s why I want to start talking about these topics, comparing them with my own experiences and you know, just being the psychologist I am, I’ll rant a lot.

SO LET’S START!

Family don’t end with blood, but it doesn’t start there either.

What Bobby Singer wants to tell us basically is, that your friends can be your family too and your family on the other hand doesn’t have to actually BE your family. Continuing the quote through Dean Winchester, let me explain further that family doesn’t mean blood, but:

Family cares about you, not what you can do for them. Family’s there. For the good, bad, all of it. They got your back, even when it hurts.

And I don’t know about you, but I know that this description doesn’t fit on every one of my larger family. My cousin just backstabbed me, after me being awake till 1 o’clock every other night because she had problems in school or stuff she didn’t want to talk about. I was always there for her, but she used every moment with me to get false infrmation and let my family and me look bad in front of everybody else – she is not family to me. Those who did not congratulate me when I started studying, but rather didn’t talk to me because I didn’t reach their standards and expectations – they are not family to me. Those family members who would rather see me suffer than succeed – they are not and will never be family to me.

I feel bad for every child, every person that gets told how they have to be grateful for their family and love them unconditionally, when they get verbally and physically abused by them. It’s gone so far that I see people accepting their parents abusing ways to push them towards success, as them showing their love and care. And that’s definitely not okay. There will never be a good reason for your parent to hit and hurt you in any way. Or to call you names that rip you apart.

Still there is a difference between loving your parents and accepting what they did to you and loving your parents, but not accepting and tolerating what they did or do to you. I love my parents and am grateful for everything they gave me, but I’ll never forget the words that made me want to run away and never come back. I love my sisters and brothers for every time they stood up for me, for every loving memory and just being there. But truth is, that they never saw or acted on my depressions, while people that barely know me did.

Now to the other aspect: friends being family. Let me tell you, it’s not about perfect friends. Friends sometimes make mistakes and sometimes they also say he wrong things. It happens. It’s about them being by your side, no matter if you are succeeding in life or having your worst low. It’s about them helping you, without them thinking of ways you can pay them back. Friends are the family you choose because instead of being paired up with people you might not even like, you find those who love you no matter what. I always found the love of a friend being something very special. Mostly for the reason they don’t have to love you. You are not connected by blood, so there is no reason for them to love you. But they do and that is something you should cherish and hold onto and never take for granted.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my biological family from the deepest of my heart, but I know for a fact that not everybody does. And that’s completely okay.

Advertisements

Welcome to the 21. Century!

Hello there! Welcome to a world where the human race is somewhere in between being open and tolerant towards others and totally closed up and conservative. If you ask why, you live under a rock. Watch the news.

Here is a personal story that, yes, is not that important, thinking about the fact racism and homophobia still exists, but still shocked me somehow.

The other day I wanted to walk into the building I live in, when I spotted a neighbour I don’t really talk to, but still see every now and then. So I did want to hold the door open for him. I, a young lady, holding the door open for a young man. Didn’t bother me in any way, until he said “No, it is alright”. I thought I didn’t hear him correctly and insisted on him walking into the building. Afterwards he did say thank you, adding “Normally it’s the other way around, haha” and I responded “Well, we do also live in the 21. Century, so.” I should not have to add that this was the most awkward elevator ride I have ever experienced. Adding a tight-lipped smile to my comment I stayed silent for the whole ride. I was offended. He was offended. It was awkward.

For heavens and hells sake, why would anybody feel offended if somebody holds the door open for them? Did I somehow attacked your masculinity, young man? Do you feel sterilised because a lady held the door open for you? Well, then I have to tell you that I enjoyed destroying your conservative look on the world and society, because I WOULD DO IT AGAIN, MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

Okay, let’s get serious again.

I do know that it was common for a woman to walk behind men and to let them hold doors open for her, but didn’t we already grown as humans? Does society still think a woman is not capable to take care of anything? How do you expect the next generations to accept women in every job sector, as equal to men and as strong enough to make their own decisions, if we won’t accept a woman to hold the door open for a man when the situation is given?

I want to live in a world where a man holds the door open for me and vice-versa, not thinking what an awesome gentleman he is, but because he is a human being as much as I am and it is a form of politeness and respect. Yes, it is nice to get invited to dinner where you don’t have to pay, but I will never assume it (by the way: who invites mostly pays, unless stated or agreed otherwise). Yes, you should help someone, no matter what sex or gender, when they are having difficulties carrying heavy bags or something. And yes, even as a man you should offer your help to a man. I know the “Bro-Codex”, it is okay. Really, bro, really!

To any future “men-I-will-hold-the-door-open-for”: if you feel offended by a female that holds the door open for you, start looking for your confidence that has been buried, when society threw their standards on what “real men” have to be like on you. I feel sorry for you being raised in that way, just as many other men and women, but it is on you now to educate yourself and make a difference. I hope you make the right choices.

(Wow, that escalated quickly ^^)

Hi, I love you!

First and foremost: I didn’t write anything in a long time due to other more urgent things I had to do, which I feel sorry for. Writing, even if its blogs few people read and no one relates to or likes, has not only been lots of fun, but has also always been a way for me to deal with problems, stress or negative emotions, so I am going to write about something I have been confronted with lately – those three special words: I love you. And please don’t feel offended, I have an opinion that I am going to support with arguments I personally find valid.

It has been brought to my attention that there are lots of people who “fall in love at first sight” or literally say “I love you” after only weeks or months of being with another person. I am in no position to tell anybody when to tell someone they love them, but I want to present my perspective on the L-word.

For the starters: I don’t believe in love at first sight. Love means for me trust, a deeper understanding, adoration and presents a bond that connects people in a special way. You can’t create or feel that in a second. You can’t. Maybe you feel strongly attracted or you find someone extremely likeable, but it is not love, only very often confused with it. And I won’t change my mind in that matter; I will not compare the love I have for a friend I knew for 10 years and who has been with me through thick and thin with a person I just lay my eyes on, that I can see myself having sex with or maybe marry – in the probably very distant or non-existent future. It’s not going to happen.

And now to all of you who say “I love you” after weeks – how organised and non-confusing must your life be? Teach me! One psychologist may interpret the long time I take to say those words with bad relationships I had in the past, but fact is that I won’t trust anyone I have not known for a long enough time, for them to prove I can actually trust them. I need more than one weak, from their moral driven example to honestly trust a person this much, that I put myself in a very vulnerable state and tell them that I love them. You do not need to have somebody misusing your love to be certain with any future person and take your time to finally show them your love and affection. I am very confused by the concept of opening up to a person in such an intensive way, before you even know if they find you important enough to fight for, to relocate for or to change their bad habits for.

No matter if they are platonic or romantic relationships: if someone gives you their time so you can get to know them, spend time with them and create memories with them, they can also give you the time you need to tell them that you love them. And I also think that none of all this I wrote should have been written because it should be a normal thing to take your time with these personal things, but that is something to talk about another time. I should not have to explain myself and to swear that it is not a matter of distrust in human beings and their good intentions, but a matter of self-respect and self-defending. But as I said, people worth loving will undestand you and me without pushing any boundaries.